God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
