Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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