Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
