the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
