I just made out with a guy for $7.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
