my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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