The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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