So drunk its hurt
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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