I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
