i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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