So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
