You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
