pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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