i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
