Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Couch. On fire.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
