Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Randomize