I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
