Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
