i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish you could order shots online.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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