I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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