u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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