I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
