i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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