I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize