im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
