I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
