Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
