Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
