i permit you to call me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
