I cockslap morals
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
