I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
