He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
