Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
