My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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