In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize