i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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