I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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