Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You ate ashes out of my bong
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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