hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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