i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
