Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
