Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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