Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
