Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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