WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
please come you make the beer taste better
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
