Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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