1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
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