We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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