i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
