In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
