Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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