i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
