I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
