i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
