My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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