I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
