Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
