An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
