WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
