Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
