If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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