Kiss
Puke
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my being single is dangerous.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
