conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
