he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
