I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
