We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
