Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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