Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
