I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
my liver is dry heaving
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
