Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
