He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize