I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
