I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize