I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
