I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
