Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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